I Was Framed! - Craft's "True" Intention?

I like to make things that have a look of antiquity about them. In my mind, if a thing already looks like it has lasted the pass of time, then maybe it will be valued more for its supposed longevity and showed closer continued care. I'm sure I could come up with some blatant exceptions to this hypothesis: the extinction of the VHS, ageism, press board furniture. Still, I think there's a reason for the resurgence of homemade (or homey-looking) things in recent culture. DYI crafts are things made with meaning rather than Ikea-assemble-it yourself-junk, or purchased off the shelf. The "old-fashioned" quality that appeals so much to our generation is the time and feeling put into the craft.

Maybe, it also has something to do with the impermanence of the era in which we live. Most of our photo albums are online, you can't shuffle through those memories in your hands. One crash of an email provider, and 10 years of correspondence is gone- like it never existed. In a world where so much is available at our fingertips in a second, there is very little that we actually touch and keep forever.

I must admit that there's a selfish desire for immortality in my creations as well. I know I may grow apart from even my dearest friends from my 20's. But if I pore over hundreds of stitches in a personalized embroidery now, it may be harder for my loved ones to forget me later. With my gift staring them down from its perch in their reading nook, I have a greater chance of friend retention. "Think of Sarah," the stitches call, "She sure was great, huh? You should give her a call sometime." Now you know the real root of it. I don't really give presents, I just make preemptive friendship investments. It's purely selfish.

I chose the frame for Amy and Scott's wedding sampler from a collection of antique frames stashed under a spare bed in my parents home. I had hoped for a little more gild and a little less arts-n-crafts but I think it worked out. The greatest charm of it was my discovery of the frame's previous occupant: Meet Claudette Colbert, the 1930's starlet of "It Happened One Night", screwball comedy actress, and Kennedy Center Honor Recipient. This picture depicts her as pretty fair, but she actually looks a little more like the bride in her other portraits. Fate, perhaps?

I hope you know me well enough to know I'm not really a big, conceited jerk. If you don't, well, be forewarned.

An Eye for An Eye? - On Osama

I don't generally enjoy sharing my opinion on political matters. I dodge conversations about upcoming elections. Generally, this is because when I'm with my family I tend to be the "far left" black sheep. Yet, somehow, with many of my friends, I tend to be the more conservative of the gaggle- even if only by a social issue or hesitancy to commit myself to a side.

But today, I feel strongly that I don't feel good about how people are responding to the death of Osama bin Laden. I don't claim to be the only one effected by this news this way, but it does seem that an inordinate number of people are celebrating this man's death. It conjures up a scene of an old-timey American hanging, perhaps following a witch hunt. (Not a perfect analogy, but do you understand where I'm going with it?)

I do not think this man should have been free to continue to wreak havoc on ours and other nations. I do not even really know that he is the cause of havoc in our nation or simply an overzealous terrorist seeking fame and blame. I don't think he's an innocent creature and I think he deserves punishment. I think, however, that murderers like him need to sit with their mistakes for the rest of their life. What punishment is death? It is much more like release than incarceration.

My freshman year of college at Kenyon, there was an amnesty group who had set up a folding table outside the cafeteria. They were advocating against the death penalty in Ohio. I wrote my representative a letter urging him to consider an alternative. I don't remember my words exactly but I know I shared this true thing with him: My aunt was inconceivably murdered by a man who took his own life in the cop car that was supposed to drive him to jail. Had he lived, I want to believe I could have forgiven him. As it was, he died with all of my anger towards him intact. I didn't want that man to die anymore than I wanted my Aunt to die.

America needs an opportunity to learn forgiveness. I'm not suggesting that anyone FORGET. But, what lesson is learned by the murder of a man, or by 2,753, or 4,452, or even 1,033,00? A man's death is nothing to celebrate. An attitude of humility and forgiveness and a genuine desire and effort to stop killing people, that would be something to fly a flag for.

The Beginning of MY "Wedding Season" - 2010

All at once, it seemed, in the summer of 2010, my friends from college and the life beyond began to get hitched. I had experienced a similar rush directly out of college of Kentucky friends from childhood. That, however, I could explain as a regional fluke. But my liberal college friends? I was certain they wouldn't beat me to the "altar". (as if it were a race!)

Both brides of the summer of 2010 were old roommates of mine. For Alison, I made a quilted table runner featuring paper umbrellas like the one that we had hanging in the dining room of our 5th street apartment. We spent many nights having family-style dinners in that room, candles lit, bottle of wine between us. I hope the runner makes appearances during such - and more romantically inclined- dinners throughout her marriage.
Sam and Jon's summer feast wasn't a wedding per se, but I couldn't miss the chance to embroider these dish towels with leaping lambs. I imagine these towels will clean up some of the tastiest messes in the world.

Inspired, in part by my mother's habit of crocheting a blanket as wedding gift, I began my own tradition. I started embroidering and sewing gifts for my friends and family. Call it cost-saving, call it off the registry. I call it personalized. I hope that the things I make end up being around for years, and not in a drawer but covered in stains from overuse.

A Wedding A Month - April Edition

As Promised. I am unsure if one has been opened yet, so I won't post pictures of that yet. Amy & Scott had a fantastic wedding full of excitement and exuberance that I associate with the two of them. The ceremony included (amongst other charming bits):

1. A walk down the aisle to "Be My Baby" - one of our college band's (The Quick & Dirties) most requested songs.
2. A dog ringbearer.
3. A flashmob brass band playing a rousing version of R. Kelly's "Ignition".

I decided it was NOT rude to give a wedding gift to my friend Eli, another Beloit guest at the wedding, 8 months after his North Carolina wedding which I was unable to attend. His bride and he had a farm wedding and I wanted to capture the simplicity and beauty of some of the pictures I saw from the event in a small embroidery. It wasn't until Eli opened their gift at the reception that I found out Amanda had spent months collecting blue Ball Jars for decorations.

The image also reminds me of summer nights of collecting lightning bugs in a jar and watching them blink lazily, on and off on and off, from my bedstand as I fell into sleep.

ON ANOTHER NOTE: (pun intended) A song has been driving me for several months now. It often plays on loop on my computer and when it's not playing there it's looped in my head. When a song acts like a virus in your body, I tend to believe there is good reason for it.

Evidently, I heard it over a year ago for the first time but didn't pay attention. The occasion was a dormitory desk shift with one of my best friends at Interlochen. We were sharing songs that were moving and shaking us at the time- an easy thing for music to do when your heart is primed by the loneliness that ResLife jobs create. I guess that, like I do when I'm overwhelmed with my own emotions, I didn't so much listen to her but wait until I could play her MY song. (I'm sorry, Juliet. I'm working on this.) Either way I did discover the song this winter, just in time. Maybe it wasn't time for me to hear it last winter considering I obviously wasn't ready to listen to it.

The song is Ryan Montbleau's :: "75 and Sunny" Listen to the whole thing through, the sound of it is repetitive, yes, but the lyrics are so potent. One verse is especially important to me:

"And I’ve got a best friend. She don’t drink or smoke like I’ve been known to. She’s got religion. She’s a one-woman dynamo and lights up every room she goes to. She says the light that’s there won’t go nowhere, no way. She don’t spend every second smiling, but she’s learning something exciting every day.

She’d rather be 75 and sunny than 29 with a chance of showers all the time. She’d rather be old as dirt than new as any $9 bottle of wine. Or to be thawed at 35, mama, stoned with her back to the wind. You better believe she’s living for the moment but her moment is the whole damn thing."

I hope people see me, know me and still think of me in this way. I'd like to be known as someone pressing to see the positive in each situation- someone who carries a light that no one can extinguish. Not just an artist, teacher, musician or aunt but an advocate for hope and and good will.

Wherein Art Fulfills Me

Forget everything else. Forget the time that's lapsed. Forget any promises I made to you or to myself. The only expectation I ever plan to hold myself to is to not give up. Today, that is shown by a half-thought, half-paragraph intro to a post about nothing much at all. Nothing much but something I can be proud of. And that's really something.
I am still a lady mostly unemployed, unfortunately. But my time fills itself well. I am busy with friends, with family, with church, but most intentionally with projects. I do love projects. As someone who has had several short trysts with unemployment before I have learned some decent coping tactics. I haven't found a cure for the restlessness or the frustration. BUT, I have found a way to secure some relief: MAKE THINGS.

After my community college course was over (Oh, by the way, I got an A.) and I had completed my video, I felt great need to have a new assignment to set my sights on finishing. Lucky for me, I've got a new set of deadlines to meet during the spring/summer season of - have you guessed yet?- WEDDINGS!

March belonged to my college pals Liz and Andrew. They are one of the all time greatest couples ever. I couldn't just get them something off of their registry. A soap dish wouldn't cut it as a representation of my love of their union. These complementary, customized aprons and "famous food couples" cotton dish towels did the trick. And dying the fabric, designing the images, researching fonts, and embroidering kept me busy and feeling productive for the better part of a week.

Take that unemployment.
Stay tuned for April's installment- coming soon!

Is it really March?

I've got plans to start being diligent with this site again. I've been updating this site instead for a class I'm taking as well as this site for a church thing. It doesn't excuse my absence. But maybe this video will. I made this with my own little brain and hands. I'm proud and want you to watch it.

I CARRY MY HEART

I'll try and get on board here soon. I promise.

In Which I Blame Royal Wedding for All of My Issues

Well, okay. I'll admit it. I've set the bar unreasonably positive. I am an optimist, but there is a limit to the muscles in my cheeks that pull a smile. I started this blog with all intentions of happiness, but I don't love happiness. I love the bittersweet. So, expect that instead. Also, it is impossible not to journal a bit.

That said, I've been ignoring you- intentionally. Because, lately there has been one thought in mind. And I'm embarrassed by it, so I think maybe I need to broadcast it and get it out of my system: 

I am horrified that I am never going to get married.

Isn't that ridiculous?! I am a wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful, smart, talented, strong woman. I know all this already- even though verbal reinforcements never hurt- and yet I'm convinced that I will die alone and without children.

What is this about? When I was 17, I distinctly remember HOPING that I would wait until I was at least 30 before I got hitched. And now, I fall asleep after crying (I'm not even exaggerating) to the heartfelt summations and wedding day pictures at the end of a TV show dedicated to the search for the perfect bridal gown. I've been obsessed with engagement rings. And my darn computer betrays me by telling the internet my online habits and fills every page with adds for wedding paraphernalia just perfect for that wedding day that my heart is scared will never come and my mind is ashamed to obsess over.

I've always been a girl who knew she would get married. I wasn't a prissy girl, I liked making mud potions and I looked more like a Hanson brother then an Olsen Sister. But my Barbie had elaborate weddings and my favorite movies were those scratchy old musicals where Fred Astaire danced his way into a heart and down the aisle. I was engaged, essentially, when I was in college to a boy who ended up becoming unavailable due to his draw towards priesthood. Since then, I have scared away boys one-by-one with my desire for wedlock. (Not that there have been so many.)

Here's what I've decided. I blame the movies. Like I said, I grew up on musicals, all of which end in matrimony or at least a kiss (and everyone knows that once you kiss in a musical it's only minutes until a wedding). So, from this I am corrupted to believe in an ideal man that is not only open with his emotions enough to sing and dance his love, but also straight. And I get a month long timeline from first-glance to ring-on-my-finger. On the other hand, I watch When Harry Met Sally once a month. And this movie tells me that it may take 10 years for my love to develop, which dooms any male friendship. Because, some part of me actually believes that, as long as he remains single, the boy I dated in middle school and I are meant to be. How healthy is that?

Thing is, those are the movies I most want to watch. It's not entirely clear to me WHY I want to surround myself with idyllic and irrational stories of love. I know that I am suspending my disbelief in order to enjoy watching them. I know it's not real life, but I still want to believe it can happen to me. And maybe even happen to me a little bit like how it did to Sleeping Beauty. Seems to me that I'm in one of those movies already and I just haven't come to the climactic point yet. Still, I'm only five weddings into the plot line of 27 Dresses.

So there it is. I don't have a witty conclusion for this one yet. Only that I'm obsessed with my loneliness as much as I am the idea of marriage. I guess I know- even as I google "vintage engagement ring"- that my intense desire for this is the biggest hurdle I've got to jump in my search for that love I believe I'll find at the end of this race.